We need to Breakup! Why YEARS in an abusive relationship was so hard for me to leave.

Butterflies in my stomach, not able to sleep at night! Up all hours because you’re so excited about the following day. Everyone at one time in their life has experienced these moments. The moments where absolutely nothing could go wrong. I mean you’re even excited about taking out the trash in these days because you feel so good. But like many relationships, if you’re not careful, not only will you lose all those feelings but it can also manifest into something completely different. Something you don’t even recognize anymore.

“OMG I HATE YOU!!!” “YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!” Those words are devastating to hear and at first I would even chalk it up to frustration. Frustration can bring out the bear in most people. I would tell myself that once the situation calms down everything will be back to normal. The words were still there though, sitting quietly in the back of my mind. As time went on, the verbal attacks got worse, and the more excuses I made.

I used to work extremely long hours, sometimes not getting home until 13-15 hour shifts were over, only to have to get up and do it all over again. I was exhausted and I was craving support. So many times I would get home and the kids would be fed and I would walk in to kiss them goodnight. Once I got into the kitchen I would ask “Are there any leftovers I could heat up?” The response was usually the same: “what does it matter, you can’t eat before you go to bed because you’ll just get fatter.” To which I would head to bed and cry into my pillow. I allowed the verbal abuse to start affecting my physical health. I smoked, I drank, a lot, I gained weight, a lot, because they were right. What was the point?

It’s both embarrassing and heartbreaking to admit that I stayed in this relationship for Y E A R S! I was lied to. I was promised things that never happened. I was constantly told I was fat and worthless. I was told everyday that “I could cry all I wanted to but this was the best it was gonna get.” I was told that no one really cares about you, everyone thinks you’re stupid and you have nothing to give. I was screamed at how much they hated me and silently i just responded, “I love you.” Imagine being told by someone you L O V E how worthless, and stupid you are. How no one cares about me and that I’ll grow old and alone. It was devasting to hear everyday, yet…I stayed.

You may find that you’re in the same situation, or possibly even a worse one. One that is now affecting your health as mine did. Or one that is physically abusive. I have had the unfortunate experience of seeing a relationship like mine quickly and easily turn into one that is much more violent and damaging. Getting out of this relationship was both emotionally and physically, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It broke my heart everyday to hear the things I was hearing, yet it broke my heart even more when I finally said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I’m sure right now you’re saying out loud..’HEARTBREAKING!?” HOW WAS IT HEARTBREAKING TO LEAVE AN ABUSIVE, UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?!”

Because like so many others before me, that’s not how it started. It started out full of hope and wonder and excitement. It started out as you can do anything and you’re ready to take on the world! I knew this person, it was comfortable, I laughed, I cried, more crying than laughing but still, I was afraid to give it up. What if I did and it was worse? But…I asked myself, what if it was better? One thing I was certain of, I DID NOT LIKE WHAT THIS RELATIONSHIP WAS DOING TO ME, OR HOW IT WAS MAKING ME FEEL. I finally sat down and said “We need to talk, I want to breakup!” The other person sitting across from me…was me.

You’re probably now saying…wwwwhhhhhaaaaattttt….did this girl just sixth sense my ass? The answer would be yes, yes I did. But for good reason! You see, this is what you do to yourself when you say negative things in your head. This is what I did to me! We stay in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship F-O-R-E-V-E-R. I know you think it’s harmless, I know you think you don’t reaaallllllyyyyy mean it. I know you’re just making excuse after excuse on why you get to keep doing that to yourself. Yet, if you were to take those thoughts and give them a relationship, it is one you would never want to be in, much less one that you would spend more than a day in. Yet, I hear people say negative things about themselves ALL THE TIME!

If you want to change your circumstances, if you want to change your real life relationships, if you want to live a healthy and fit life, if you want to have friends who respect you and can’t wait to spend time with you, if you want to have more money, if you want to eat healthy, if you want you and your children to have strong lasting relationships, if you want to work a job that you aboslutely love, if you want all these things and more, then start with changing the relationship you have with yourself. Here are the two things I consistently did to change my internal thoughts.

1) I start each day with gratitude for what I do have, for those that I love, and for the accomplishments that I have achieved. It’s hard to be negative when you start your day from a place of graitude.

2) I moved my body. It is scientifically proven that changing your physical state can change your emotional state. While I exercise I visualize and affirm out loud what I want for the day and what I want for my future.

If you struggle with your relationship with self like I did then you just need to start with these two steps. Don’t over complicate it. Changing your thoughts, and your language patterns will ultimately change your beliefs. Beliefs that you have about yourself and what you are truly capable of. You’ll learn to quit listening to that terrible relationship partner that you keep locked in up there. My break up was extremely hard, and I still, to this day, continue to work on being the best person for me. You deserve to have the same. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship that only allows you to be less than half of what you were gifted here to do. It’s time to sit down and talk. It’s time to break up with yourself! When you’re done I’ll have the tissues, and the chocolates here waiting for ya.

Jennifer Laster1 Comment